Sunday, November 2, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
the night before..
so much has happened in so little time...
87 days...
countless friends, memories, heartaches, and hopes...
to process all this now would never do it justice... the processing will come - look for it soon... but suffice to say the following:
know this.
God is good. God is big.
take a literal leap in your life. do it tonight. do it now. don't wait. not only will He catch you... He will save you. and He will show you what you thought was perhaps unlikely, improbable or even impossible... is all within His Domain. His Kingdom. His plan, even...
make friends. and keep them.
friendships are the foundation of His kingdom. nowhere else is He glorified so much, nowhere else is He needed, and nowhere else does He make as much sense. then - when you have good friends, lay your life down for them. now. today.
and lastly, the three principles from a Burma missionary that got me through this summer:
1) give up ALL your own rights
2) give thanks for EVERYTHING
3) don't let COMFORT be your guide. don't let FEAR be your guide.
lov,e you <><
Thursday, August 7, 2008
gracias.
yesterday my friend timo - a nicaraguan boy who's been adoped into a loving family - gave me two stickers. one sticker said veggie tales, and the other had a picture of larry the cucumber, smiling in happy-go-lucky sort of way. timo placed them directly on my shirt. i said thank you - "gracias" - and we both wondered out loud what it would be like if your whole body was covered in stickers. i suggested that perhaps you would get stuck to a wall, but timo knew better - the front sides aren't sticky.
each day here is different. each day comes with something new, something unexpected. each day you see something - and you feel something - that is different than the day before. you can't always explain why a certain experience made you feel a certain way, or why you change from day to day; it just seems to happen. and so the mysterious cycle continues, up to down, down to up.
today was a down day.
as lunch time approached, i went to the mall near my house. i ordered nestea and two spicy chicken sandwiches from burger king. the drink was medium sized, and the lady behind the register made sure for me that the sandwiches didn't have mayonnaise. i picked up my tray and decided - for the first time ever - to go outside to eat. the mall was stuffy, and six flatscreen tv's blared the same several advertisements over and over. outside a breeze was blowing, but the sky was heavy and tired... it might rain soon. i sipped on my nestea, carefully saving some for each chicken sandwich. as i finished my sandwiches, i looked to my right and saw a boy walking alone. he was moving towards the table where i was seated. when he saw that i was watching him, he began to meander a little bit, shuffling along meekly but still moving in my table's general direction. it's something that happens often in nicaragua, young children approach you with your light skin and light eyes. the young children know to ask you for money; they know that perhaps you don't see this a lot where you're from. it's hard not to build a resistance to that sort of profiling, and as the boy approached i thought of several different ways in spanish to tell him, "no." he was about 6 feet away when he first opened his mouth. a half whisper came out. i had a quick decision to make, dismiss him now or try and understand him. i asked him to come closer. he asked again, "fresco?" - drink. my medium cup with nestea was about half full, but i was still suspicious. did he want money as well? was he scamming me? was there someone else behind me coming to grab my backpack? my flesh is weak and full of doubt and judgement. i tried to dismiss the thoughts. i asked if he wanted the cup. he nodded shyly and took the drink with both his hands. "gracias." he took small sips as his tiny feet moved in little circular patterns. he was eager to drink, but also seemed somewhat glad to have a little conversation.. his voice was soft - it felt small for even his frame. i first asked about his mom. "my sister is sick and in the hospital, so that's where mom is too." then about his dad - he lived somewhere else. where do you live? "pretty far from here." did you walk here? "yes." who's with you? "alone." he answered between sips, lifting his head and nodding slowly and gently. and when did your sister go to the hospital? "two days ago, they're letting her out today." how old are you? "six." my heart dropped. my suspicions began to drop as well. he finished the drink, "gracias." what's your name? "nelson." i'm eric, i'll see you later. "goodbye." i walked back into the mall and threw out the sandwich wrappers and the cup. the tv's continued blaring, the air was still thick. i walked past several fast food shops and an ice cream stand. i walked past a shoe store where several signs on the wall said, "i love shoes." i passed a cell phone stand that was decorated with pictures of people happily jumping and holding their phones. i walked across the tile floor, it was so clean you could see your reflection, and the lights from the windows up above. and then i stopped. i turned around and walked faster, over the tile, past the cell phones, past the shoes, right by the ice cream and the fast food. i opened the door to the outside courtyard and nelson was standing right there, waiting.
i forgot to give him something.
nelson put veggie tales on the his left hand, and larry the cucumber on his right hand.
"gracias."
but later as my eyes welled up with tears driving away on my moto, i felt that i hadn't given nelson near as much as he had given me.
each day here is different. each day comes with something new, something unexpected. each day you see something - and you feel something - that is different than the day before. you can't always explain why a certain experience made you feel a certain way, or why you change from day to day; it just seems to happen. and so the mysterious cycle continues, up to down, down to up.
today was a down day.
as lunch time approached, i went to the mall near my house. i ordered nestea and two spicy chicken sandwiches from burger king. the drink was medium sized, and the lady behind the register made sure for me that the sandwiches didn't have mayonnaise. i picked up my tray and decided - for the first time ever - to go outside to eat. the mall was stuffy, and six flatscreen tv's blared the same several advertisements over and over. outside a breeze was blowing, but the sky was heavy and tired... it might rain soon. i sipped on my nestea, carefully saving some for each chicken sandwich. as i finished my sandwiches, i looked to my right and saw a boy walking alone. he was moving towards the table where i was seated. when he saw that i was watching him, he began to meander a little bit, shuffling along meekly but still moving in my table's general direction. it's something that happens often in nicaragua, young children approach you with your light skin and light eyes. the young children know to ask you for money; they know that perhaps you don't see this a lot where you're from. it's hard not to build a resistance to that sort of profiling, and as the boy approached i thought of several different ways in spanish to tell him, "no." he was about 6 feet away when he first opened his mouth. a half whisper came out. i had a quick decision to make, dismiss him now or try and understand him. i asked him to come closer. he asked again, "fresco?" - drink. my medium cup with nestea was about half full, but i was still suspicious. did he want money as well? was he scamming me? was there someone else behind me coming to grab my backpack? my flesh is weak and full of doubt and judgement. i tried to dismiss the thoughts. i asked if he wanted the cup. he nodded shyly and took the drink with both his hands. "gracias." he took small sips as his tiny feet moved in little circular patterns. he was eager to drink, but also seemed somewhat glad to have a little conversation.. his voice was soft - it felt small for even his frame. i first asked about his mom. "my sister is sick and in the hospital, so that's where mom is too." then about his dad - he lived somewhere else. where do you live? "pretty far from here." did you walk here? "yes." who's with you? "alone." he answered between sips, lifting his head and nodding slowly and gently. and when did your sister go to the hospital? "two days ago, they're letting her out today." how old are you? "six." my heart dropped. my suspicions began to drop as well. he finished the drink, "gracias." what's your name? "nelson." i'm eric, i'll see you later. "goodbye." i walked back into the mall and threw out the sandwich wrappers and the cup. the tv's continued blaring, the air was still thick. i walked past several fast food shops and an ice cream stand. i walked past a shoe store where several signs on the wall said, "i love shoes." i passed a cell phone stand that was decorated with pictures of people happily jumping and holding their phones. i walked across the tile floor, it was so clean you could see your reflection, and the lights from the windows up above. and then i stopped. i turned around and walked faster, over the tile, past the cell phones, past the shoes, right by the ice cream and the fast food. i opened the door to the outside courtyard and nelson was standing right there, waiting.
i forgot to give him something.
nelson put veggie tales on the his left hand, and larry the cucumber on his right hand.
"gracias."
but later as my eyes welled up with tears driving away on my moto, i felt that i hadn't given nelson near as much as he had given me.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Why?
(part 1 in a 2 part series about why i'm here and what i'm doing in nicaragua)
I need to clarify something, and I beg your pardon, because this is mostly for myself, but indulge me for a second. I want this to be very clear:
No one is forcing me to be here.
No one in the U.S., no one in Nicaragua, no one in this whole earth, and, I include, no one in heaven is forcing me to live in Nicaragua. God is certainly not forcing me to do that. That's right, I don't believe in a God who meanly forces his faithful to endure endless mosquitos, cold receptions, stories of heartbreak / shattered lives, bitter loneliness, and worst of all... a severe shortage of root beer. ;) Here's the thing about the God I believe in (feel free to argue/agree in the comments section)... My God is proud. If I went to South Dakota and decided to herd sheep, God would be proud of me. If I lived in Santa Monica and decided to design web sites, God would be proud of me. If I went to Nicaragua to help out His various workers there, He would be proud.
Let's take a different tack, so you can see what kind of God I'm talking about. Think about the ocean, think about how often waves come in, and imagine with me that with every breaking wave, someone on that beach told you, "I love you." Over and over and over they kept repeating that phrase - such a simple one - but it carried (and carries) so much weight. And when they said that word "you", you knew they meant the real YOU. Not the one that you put on for others... when you go out to dinner, or the one you might have for family reunions, or for friends, for coworkers, for your spouse or kids sometimes. You knew when that voice said, "I love you", it drilled right down to the core of who you are - to the very definition of you. The "you" at the peak and depth of your life - when you first discovered what you really, genuinely loved to do - and you did it well. When you first lost something that you treasured. When you were so frustrated because your life kept leading you to locked doors, or when you were completely lost. When some 'thing', some 'issue', some 'habit' grabbed you so hard - it wouldn't let your life go, and when you felt alone in it. On the sunniest day in your life, and on the day when the rain fell so hard it broke your back. And that someone loved you through all of that.
Can you imagine love like that? The answer is obviously no. Simply put, there are no earthly models for that kind of love which, if it were true, would have to be unconditional. You and I can't love unconditionally. We can't receive unconditional love from anyone here on earth either. But the more and more I get to know God, the more I see that this is why He's called "omnipotent", "all-powerful", and "almighty". His greatest display of power is unconditional love. Two interesting notes on unconditional love:
1) We need it, by the way, it's the only way we can survive - life without it is empty and purpose-less (which sounds a lot like death).
2) Unconditional love says that you and I are perfect, and - you'll see where we're going here - unconditional love is proud of us.
Now if we try and wrap our heads around that infinite and unconditional love, you can see that it gets pretty overwhelming pretty fast. But if you began to see and understand that kind of love - even if you were just scratching the surface - what would you do? I think that is life's essential question, knowing that you are loved unconditionally, what will you do? Many different people have many different reactions, and I don't pretend to have the correct one, but as I've begun to know this love, I want to respond to it. So that's it. For me, living in Nicaragua is a response to that kind of love. It's not a duty, it's not an indentured servitude, and catch this as well, it's not a quest for heavenly brownie points either. You see, with unconditional love, we've already been given all the brownie points we could possibly get. This life, then, is like a bonus round. Our final score is already accounted for in Heaven - and we are truly winners - so what will you do with the bonus time you have here on this earth?
lov,e <>
I need to clarify something, and I beg your pardon, because this is mostly for myself, but indulge me for a second. I want this to be very clear:
No one is forcing me to be here.
No one in the U.S., no one in Nicaragua, no one in this whole earth, and, I include, no one in heaven is forcing me to live in Nicaragua. God is certainly not forcing me to do that. That's right, I don't believe in a God who meanly forces his faithful to endure endless mosquitos, cold receptions, stories of heartbreak / shattered lives, bitter loneliness, and worst of all... a severe shortage of root beer. ;) Here's the thing about the God I believe in (feel free to argue/agree in the comments section)... My God is proud. If I went to South Dakota and decided to herd sheep, God would be proud of me. If I lived in Santa Monica and decided to design web sites, God would be proud of me. If I went to Nicaragua to help out His various workers there, He would be proud.
Let's take a different tack, so you can see what kind of God I'm talking about. Think about the ocean, think about how often waves come in, and imagine with me that with every breaking wave, someone on that beach told you, "I love you." Over and over and over they kept repeating that phrase - such a simple one - but it carried (and carries) so much weight. And when they said that word "you", you knew they meant the real YOU. Not the one that you put on for others... when you go out to dinner, or the one you might have for family reunions, or for friends, for coworkers, for your spouse or kids sometimes. You knew when that voice said, "I love you", it drilled right down to the core of who you are - to the very definition of you. The "you" at the peak and depth of your life - when you first discovered what you really, genuinely loved to do - and you did it well. When you first lost something that you treasured. When you were so frustrated because your life kept leading you to locked doors, or when you were completely lost. When some 'thing', some 'issue', some 'habit' grabbed you so hard - it wouldn't let your life go, and when you felt alone in it. On the sunniest day in your life, and on the day when the rain fell so hard it broke your back. And that someone loved you through all of that.
Can you imagine love like that? The answer is obviously no. Simply put, there are no earthly models for that kind of love which, if it were true, would have to be unconditional. You and I can't love unconditionally. We can't receive unconditional love from anyone here on earth either. But the more and more I get to know God, the more I see that this is why He's called "omnipotent", "all-powerful", and "almighty". His greatest display of power is unconditional love. Two interesting notes on unconditional love:
1) We need it, by the way, it's the only way we can survive - life without it is empty and purpose-less (which sounds a lot like death).
2) Unconditional love says that you and I are perfect, and - you'll see where we're going here - unconditional love is proud of us.
Now if we try and wrap our heads around that infinite and unconditional love, you can see that it gets pretty overwhelming pretty fast. But if you began to see and understand that kind of love - even if you were just scratching the surface - what would you do? I think that is life's essential question, knowing that you are loved unconditionally, what will you do? Many different people have many different reactions, and I don't pretend to have the correct one, but as I've begun to know this love, I want to respond to it. So that's it. For me, living in Nicaragua is a response to that kind of love. It's not a duty, it's not an indentured servitude, and catch this as well, it's not a quest for heavenly brownie points either. You see, with unconditional love, we've already been given all the brownie points we could possibly get. This life, then, is like a bonus round. Our final score is already accounted for in Heaven - and we are truly winners - so what will you do with the bonus time you have here on this earth?
lov,e <>
What?
(part 2 in a 2 part series about why i'm here and what i'm doing in nicaragua)
So what have you been doing in Nicaragua?
After about a month into my time here, I thought I'd answer this question so you:
a) know where I'm blessed to work and who I'm blessed to work with
b) can rest assured I'm not just watching Spanish soap operas (telenovelas) all day, eating fajitas and drinking Coke from glass bottles ;)
At a recent lunch with a new friend down here, we both remarked that there is no "ordinary day" down here, and maybe that's part of what makes living life here so attractive for me. :) So although there is no routine, I'll categorize below what the Lord's led me to down here:
1) Web Design
I've been blessed to meet with some non-profit organizations down here and talk about designing web sites. I don't believe it's any coincidence that many of them were talking/thinking about a new web site before I showed up. :) Currently I'm working on a web site for Nica HOPE (their current site), a great organization that provides education and opportunities for kids and adults who live in the city dump. I'll let you know when the site is finished.
2) Photography
Other mission organizations are in need of some new photography to show their supporters where they've been working, how they've grown and expanded their mission, and who they are helping. I've been so blessed to meet the Buzbee family - who run Open Hearts - and I've been helping them in taking new pictures for their web site.
3) Translation
I just returned from a kids' camp on the shores of Lake Nicaragua, where I served as a translator for a team of high schoolers from Florida. In addition, more teams are coming each week, through Open Hearts, and need translators in their various ministry ventures.
4) Youth Ministry
Yup, couldn't stay away for long... I've been helping to lead the Saturday Bible studies (youth group meeting) for youth from Open Heart's scholarship program. The program pays for school uniforms and supplies for children from the dump so they can continue their education beyond 6th grade. In addition, there are several other youth ministry positions open here that I am researching...
Thanks for taking time to see what the Lord has been doing down here. It really is amazing to consider all that He has provided, I'm so blessed to be able to witness it.
lov,e <><
So what have you been doing in Nicaragua?
After about a month into my time here, I thought I'd answer this question so you:
a) know where I'm blessed to work and who I'm blessed to work with
b) can rest assured I'm not just watching Spanish soap operas (telenovelas) all day, eating fajitas and drinking Coke from glass bottles ;)
At a recent lunch with a new friend down here, we both remarked that there is no "ordinary day" down here, and maybe that's part of what makes living life here so attractive for me. :) So although there is no routine, I'll categorize below what the Lord's led me to down here:
1) Web Design
I've been blessed to meet with some non-profit organizations down here and talk about designing web sites. I don't believe it's any coincidence that many of them were talking/thinking about a new web site before I showed up. :) Currently I'm working on a web site for Nica HOPE (their current site), a great organization that provides education and opportunities for kids and adults who live in the city dump. I'll let you know when the site is finished.
2) Photography
Other mission organizations are in need of some new photography to show their supporters where they've been working, how they've grown and expanded their mission, and who they are helping. I've been so blessed to meet the Buzbee family - who run Open Hearts - and I've been helping them in taking new pictures for their web site.
3) Translation
I just returned from a kids' camp on the shores of Lake Nicaragua, where I served as a translator for a team of high schoolers from Florida. In addition, more teams are coming each week, through Open Hearts, and need translators in their various ministry ventures.
4) Youth Ministry
Yup, couldn't stay away for long... I've been helping to lead the Saturday Bible studies (youth group meeting) for youth from Open Heart's scholarship program. The program pays for school uniforms and supplies for children from the dump so they can continue their education beyond 6th grade. In addition, there are several other youth ministry positions open here that I am researching...
Thanks for taking time to see what the Lord has been doing down here. It really is amazing to consider all that He has provided, I'm so blessed to be able to witness it.
lov,e <><
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
TOP 5 things I'm thankful for...
5. Moto ("el Poderosito") - even though i bit the big one a week ago (see here), this guy has been a trooper - it's carried me around very faithfully. we even survived gale force winds, flash floods and utter downpour the other day. thank you Lord!
4. Church - i went to a church named Verbo last Sunday and was so blessed to be surrounded by brothers and sisters. highlights included talking to the former children's director who is now planting a church 4 hours away and talking to a lonely security guard who was clearly yearning for some conversation. thank you Lord!
3. Apartment - yup, it has bed bugs and a stranded pigeon in the "laundry room"... but it's also got some charm and protection from the torrential rains. thank you Lord!
2. Communication - through the internet and cell phones, i've been able to keep in contact with loved ones. in addition, my Central American Spanish is gradually improving - hope to sound less and less like a gringo every day! (would you like to get in touch? facebook, skype: hopefields, and contacthopefields@gmail.com are the best ways!) thank you Lord!
1. Community - i've met a wonderful missionary family here as well as many other faithful workers. faith for them is a given - it's such an integral part of their lives... without being conceited, their lives point to the question, "Why wouldn't we give our whole lives for the Lord?" i am humbled and blessed to know them. thank you Lord!
:) lov,e <><
Saturday, July 5, 2008
incredible.
today marks day five of this incredible journey.
i use the word incredible because there have been so many times this past week where i have simply stopped myself in awe and disbelief:
it's incredible that i'm here in Nicaragua.
it's incredible that this dream of Latin American missions has become a reality.
it's incredible that the Lord led me first to the hostel, then to the moto, then to this apartment, and He continues to lead me...
it's incredible that i'm still able to communicate with loved ones back home...
but i should stop here - because incredible means not able to be believed or not believable. but what i have found more than anything here - even in such a short time - is that He is Definitely Believable.
it's the way He works, isn't it? He gently asks you to do something that is more difficult than anything you've ever done... and when you get there He says,
"Well done."
"I Am proud."
He reassures you with His love, He comforts you with His new mercies. He is there - He exists before, during, and after the difficult task. He is believable.
yet, this is indeed a difficult task. i have asked Him, "why?"; i have begged to see Him moving; i have felt alone; i have missed comforts and cohorts; i have been laughed at, stared at, jeered at, and talked about; i have been broken.
and all that in only 5 days! :)
so, the incredible journey continues, i want to thank you all for your prayers - they are being answered... Believe me! here are a few that have been answered:
-getting from the airport to the hotel safely
-finding the moto, then finding my way Back to the hotel !
-finding this apartment
-connecting with some of the other missionaries/non-profits here
and many more - even some unbeknownst to me i am sure.
here's a story to finish, as an example of His provision and reassurance:
traveling down here on the plane was fairly tough - i felt the sting of leaving loved ones like never before... i got in to the el salvador airport to change planes, and i was definitely feeling down... all of a sudden, the big tv in front of me, which had been playing ads in spanish for tourism, cars, and kung fu panda, began playing a music video. the words? "why so downcast, oh my soul?" in english of all things... and sure enough it was some praise band playing the song. i began to think... why am i so downcast? here is what i love, i get to do what i've dreamed about for a decade! immediately after the song, the tv went back to spanish commercials... and i thanked Daddy God for our little inside joke intermission.
bless, e <><
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